Loved this. I published an article on Doing Hard Things last week and in my research process came across a new study (2025) called "Unpacking the dynamic role of physical effort in shaping behavior." In their research, Cheval et al. discovered that effort only retroactively boosts perceived value via effort-justification when there's a clear link between what is put in and the benefits reaped. Sever that link (redirect the effort toward an audience instead of the outcome) and the mechanism has nothing to attach to. Makes sense with the intrinsic/extrinsic motivation distinction too... when effort's aimed at an audience instead of the task itself, it's operating on extrinsic reward, so it never touches the internal signal effort justification depends on. Feels very related to what you're pointing at with agency!
Could not agree more, and considered and articulated much more clearly than I ever could! Not to sound like “deleting social media saved me” but it has led to way MORE focus on what actually brings joy (including intentional suffering) and way less in trying to see my decisions and activities as curatable bites to present to the world
This distinction is the whole thing: doing hard things vs. performing hard things. The bleachers example nails it. Punishment dressed up as toughness just teaches survival, and survival collapses the second no one's watching. Real toughness is a decision you keep making for your own reasons, not fear of a coach or an audience. "There has to be something underneath it more than this kind of sucks and now I get to post about it." That line is the whole essay in one sentence!
Meaning over fear. Chosen over performed. Amen, great post Steve!
This strongly relates to the selfdetermination-theory. Autonomy through choosing your own battles is a cornerstone of intrinsic motivation.
By doing it for someone, even though you chose the ice bath (or whatever) yourself it becomes extrinsic, hence quite likely to break down as soon as you no longer get the recognition for it
Having kids
Loved this. I published an article on Doing Hard Things last week and in my research process came across a new study (2025) called "Unpacking the dynamic role of physical effort in shaping behavior." In their research, Cheval et al. discovered that effort only retroactively boosts perceived value via effort-justification when there's a clear link between what is put in and the benefits reaped. Sever that link (redirect the effort toward an audience instead of the outcome) and the mechanism has nothing to attach to. Makes sense with the intrinsic/extrinsic motivation distinction too... when effort's aimed at an audience instead of the task itself, it's operating on extrinsic reward, so it never touches the internal signal effort justification depends on. Feels very related to what you're pointing at with agency!
Could not agree more, and considered and articulated much more clearly than I ever could! Not to sound like “deleting social media saved me” but it has led to way MORE focus on what actually brings joy (including intentional suffering) and way less in trying to see my decisions and activities as curatable bites to present to the world
Love this, I shate excerpt from your book throughout the season with our team.
This distinction is the whole thing: doing hard things vs. performing hard things. The bleachers example nails it. Punishment dressed up as toughness just teaches survival, and survival collapses the second no one's watching. Real toughness is a decision you keep making for your own reasons, not fear of a coach or an audience. "There has to be something underneath it more than this kind of sucks and now I get to post about it." That line is the whole essay in one sentence!
Meaning over fear. Chosen over performed. Amen, great post Steve!
Excelente mensaje. Y por su puesto su redacción para hacerlo ver fácil y comprensible es de 10.
It’s entirely too easy to outwardly mask discipline in a workout routine while other meaningful areas of life lack attention. Well said.
This strongly relates to the selfdetermination-theory. Autonomy through choosing your own battles is a cornerstone of intrinsic motivation.
By doing it for someone, even though you chose the ice bath (or whatever) yourself it becomes extrinsic, hence quite likely to break down as soon as you no longer get the recognition for it