As an aging boomer with adult children, I've reflected on this a lot and had discussions with both of my girls about their perspectives. So much of this is our "optimization" culture. I think that you kind of nailed it in "Do Hard Things." Parenting does require the kind of "toughness" that you describe. Adaptation, flexibility, patience, and positive self-talk in the face of a lot of doubt. My wife and I were thrown a lot of unexpected curveballs as our two girls grew up. We made a lot of mistakes (something that they are fond of reminding us of - lol!). The key thing was that each of them was an individual who had their own skill set, areas of need, and response to the stress of life. We as parents had to adapt on the fly and make our decisions based on that. At times, it certainly seemed unfair to one or the other of them. However, when you are in the moment, just like in a marathon, you have to make certain adaptations based on the situation you have at the time. Parents just won't know if they made the right decision until they get where I am now. Maybe a little humility would be helpful.
Thanks for sharing that. I love the insight. And I think it gets at the point well. Life is messy. Rigidity doesn’t work. You’ve got to be able to adapt on the fly to meet the demands of the moment.
Good column. Parenting is the most important thing any of us will do. There are certainly different ways to do it. I'm curious about that stat that says dads and moms are spending more time with kids. I'm a bit skeptical of that stat, but would be happy to be wrong. First thing that popped in my mind is there are more single moms than ever, which right away should be detrimental to those stats. Moreover, how many couples stay together? The breakdown of the traditional family is a critical problem in modern America. Improve it and every other issue will get better too.
Having raised our own two boys, parenting is the greatest education and period of growth any of us will experience. I can also say, telling other people how to parent is flirting with a volatile, explosive substance.
As an aging boomer with adult children, I've reflected on this a lot and had discussions with both of my girls about their perspectives. So much of this is our "optimization" culture. I think that you kind of nailed it in "Do Hard Things." Parenting does require the kind of "toughness" that you describe. Adaptation, flexibility, patience, and positive self-talk in the face of a lot of doubt. My wife and I were thrown a lot of unexpected curveballs as our two girls grew up. We made a lot of mistakes (something that they are fond of reminding us of - lol!). The key thing was that each of them was an individual who had their own skill set, areas of need, and response to the stress of life. We as parents had to adapt on the fly and make our decisions based on that. At times, it certainly seemed unfair to one or the other of them. However, when you are in the moment, just like in a marathon, you have to make certain adaptations based on the situation you have at the time. Parents just won't know if they made the right decision until they get where I am now. Maybe a little humility would be helpful.
Thanks for sharing that. I love the insight. And I think it gets at the point well. Life is messy. Rigidity doesn’t work. You’ve got to be able to adapt on the fly to meet the demands of the moment.
Good column. Parenting is the most important thing any of us will do. There are certainly different ways to do it. I'm curious about that stat that says dads and moms are spending more time with kids. I'm a bit skeptical of that stat, but would be happy to be wrong. First thing that popped in my mind is there are more single moms than ever, which right away should be detrimental to those stats. Moreover, how many couples stay together? The breakdown of the traditional family is a critical problem in modern America. Improve it and every other issue will get better too.
Having raised our own two boys, parenting is the greatest education and period of growth any of us will experience. I can also say, telling other people how to parent is flirting with a volatile, explosive substance.